www.barnfonden.se

Last week I sent in an application for a child sponsorship. I got the papers through yesterday. I am now sponsoring a little girl called Djénéba. She is 11 yrs old and is living in the south of Mali. She has got 14 siblings and the 200 kr (18£) that I give each month will help to support the whole family. Djénéba will now have the opportunity to continue school and she will be provided with the right materials that she needs in school. She will also get 100 % paid healthcare and 60 % for the rest of the family. The money that is donated to the Childfund is helping the whole village in forms of buildning waterwells etc.
It warms my heart to know that I can help improving someone’s life. I strongly recommend you to do the same. The swedish organisation is www.barnfonden.se, just click on "bli fadder" it is so easy and it is not a great deal of money really.
(klicka på rubriken till inlägget så kommer ni direkt dit)



Yesterday evening my friend Ida.A came to see me in Örsjö. I have not seen her since school finished so it was really nice. We drank some alcohol free wine and ate pear, cheese, crackers and crisps. Yummy!



I have no plans for today yet, but I will probably just stay at home. I can feel that my body is starting to hurt and I feel a bit sick. I am going to continue reading my book “De nakna kvinnornas ö” by Inger Frimansson.

Third treatment of chemotherapy

Today I had my third treatment of chemotherapy. Ida came with me and my mom came later. Mike is working daytime so he has not been able to take time off work to join me yet. Maybe he can come with me some other time. But really, it is nothing special to see. It is just a bit boring to go by myself. Ida and I played Chicago like always :) time went quick and it is nice to have her driving back from Kalmar.

Now I have to check how my farm on Countryville (Facebook) is doing. I am totally hooked on this game. It is ridiculous how much I think about it and constantly having to check the progress. Is my corn ready yet? Do I have to plant more clover? Can I afford to expand my ranch? I need more ranch cash and neighbors, etc… :)
Come and help and join me, but be aware; it is very addictive!


Ida did not want to be in the picture, so just imagne: two pretty eyes, one cute nose and a happy smile!

Loosing my hair?

On Monday I went to Växjö to see Susan. It was nice. She showed me how to use a scanner. I managed to get some old photos from when I lived and worked in Gran Canaria scanned. I will put them up on facebook soon :) We had some lunch at Subway. I have not eaten a Subway sandwich in over 4 years, it was great! After we eaten a ice-cream in the sun I went back to Örsjö. I have now finally got the sick list papers from Försäkringskassan, so I have filled them in and sent them off.

On Tuesday I went to the local clinic to do blood tests. They tried to take blood from the “Port-a-cath way” but after three failed attempts they gave up and I was in pain. In the end they had to take the blood from my arm anyway.
After the needle attack I went home to my dad in Flygsfors to wash and clean out my BMW 316 that I am planning to sell now that I have a new car. I also went home to my grandparents for a visit.

Today my friend Malin came to see me in Örsjö. I have not seen her in about two months so it was nice. We had some tea and cakes. Then I went to Kalmar to pick my mom up from work. We went over to Öland, Färjestaden because I had an appointment with the hairdresser to look at wigs. I decided to try out 3 different ones. She ordered them from a catalogue and I can try them on perhaps next week. I am not going to give you any clues on what color or style that I am going to get. It will be a surprise :)
I have now started to feel that my hair is slowly falling off. It is just the beginning of it so we will have to wait and see if it keeps on falling out or if it is just getting a bit thinner.
After the appointment at the hairdressers me and my mom went shopping. I found a really nice top, some pictures to hang on the wall, flower pots etc. Then we ate dinner in a restaurant. We were supposed to have gone to this popular music show called “Diggiloo” in Ekerum at 19.00, but it was pissing down with rain so we decided not to. Instead I drove my mom home and I went home to Ida for a visit. It is her birthday today!

Tomorrow it is time yet again for my next (third) chemotherapy treatment. I am not at all nervous this time because I have had good experiences the first two times and that has calmed me down a lot.

Hilarious

Ida showed me this video over 2 months ago but I cannot stop watching it. I think it is hilarious. It reminds me so much of our cat Tequila in the morning when she is hungry.

Feeling a bit better again

On Friday Emmy came to see me. It was nice. We had lunch together and were sat talking about everything that’s going on in our lives at the moment. I have not seen her in a while now and a lot of things have happened since we last saw each other.
In the evening me, Mike and some of his friends went to the cinema. We saw the film Inception. It was good, but a bit difficult to follow because the story was quite complicated. Mike (the smart one out of us two) had to explain it to me afterwards.

Yesterday I went to my moms. We were supposed to have gone to Kalmar to have a stroll around the market and to have dinner at a restaurant, but it was pissing down with rain so we decided not to go. Instead we ate take-away pizza and played some cards. Before dinner I had a nice, long, relaxing foam bath. Brilliant :)
Later in the evening I went to Linn and Marcus house. Ida, Martin and Soyho were also there. We played Chicago and Monopoly. The alcohol-free wine that I drank actually tasted a lot like real wine. I think I got a bit “placebo” drunk…hehe.


Today I have nothing planned. Me and Mike just got back from town. I went to see my mom and had a bath, after that we went food shopping at Willy´s. Now we are making dinner; chicken with curry sauce and rice. It is still raining so I guess we will put a film on afterwards and just keep chilling.
Tomorrow I am going to Växjö to see Susan. I feel much better now so I believe I will have the energy for a trip. It gets a bit boring to sit in the house all day, but when you don’t have the energy to do anything it is not possible to go anywhere.

Another visit to the hospital

Today I had to go to the hospital. The ward was full so I had to go to the emergency to see a doctor and take some blood tests. I have pain in my throat, it is swollen and it hurts. The doctor said that the white blood cells were low but that is normal when you get chemotherapy. If the pain gets worse I have to come back and get antibiotics.
I think that it is better to check things out at the hospital then to just leave it in case something is wrong.
After my trip to Kalmar I went to see Linn (and Marcus) for a while. Next time I go to their house I will definitely bring a bikini because their pool looked and felt (on my feet) great :)
Now I am going to eat my tea and watch Eastenders.
Tomorrow my plan is to go and see Emmy.

Sick of being sick

Now I am getting tired of this. I still feel rough. The pain in my body is not going anywhere. I have had this pain for a week.
Every morning when I wake up I have a horrible metallic taste in the mouth. Mucosal cells is affected by the poison, and it feels like I could easily bite holes on the inside of the cheek where the skin feels so thin.
I have a stomach ache constantly. I have emptied many prunes juice packs and hope that it will give way.
The feeling that I have in the body is much like fever was worse. It creeps and tingling all the way into the bone marrow. Since I do not move around that much, I also get a sore back and joints. Sometimes I feel like an old lady. These last days I have been taken paracetamol for the pain. I am totally exhausted and do not have the energy to do anything. Just the thought of having to climb the stairs at home in the house makes me sick. However, I have managed not to suffer so bad from nausea after the chemotherapy this time. But it is mentally challenging as well as a physical burden to feel so bad that you can not do things that you want, for example, go to the beach. But I suppose you are listed sick from work for a reason.
Today I will go to the Kalmar to retrieve my car that has been serviced at BMW. I will also buy some food for the newly defrosted fridge. Then I'll go to my mother´s place to have a bath. I have bought her a small gift to celebrate her "birthday". We usually celebrate her birthday on the 20:th of Jully instead because her birthday is on Christmas Eve.

This really makes me angry

This is a article that was printed in todays newspaper Aftonbladet.
Irresponsible people like this makes me really angry!
If you can´t take care of animals you should not have them. These cats were in so bad shape they had to be killed.
When you decide to take care of an animal, you have to know that they have needs and you cannot just treat it/them the way you feel like.

173 of them were killed
The woman had been warned by the provincial government:
Not more than nine cats.
She had 191 cats.
Police and the County Administrative Board in Stockholm were met by severe poverty, according to county administrative board's report after the visit at the home of the animal owner. Only after several attempts and with the help of the police had become the county administration goals against at home.
Several dead cats
The two buildings, one large and one small building in Botkyrka, survived the 60-year-old woman with her mother, sister and her 30-year-old son and the 191 cats. The cats sat and lay on the kitchen benches, tables, cabinets, on the floor, on chairs and windowsills. They found the feline, injured and sick cats and multiple cat boxes that were all full of feces and urine.
Transferred to new home
"It was a pungent odor of ammonia which affected the respiratory tract," writes Marie Lundin, welfare officer at the County Administrative Board of Stockholm.
173 of the cats were killed on the spot. The other 18 were recovered and taken to a shelter.
-? These people here really like animals and have a good heart. They consider themselves able to take care of them, but we are not really with them about it, "says Karina Burlin at the County Administrative Board in Stockholm.
A few times each year the County Administrative Board in Stockholm whistle on people who had built up a large number of pets so that both owner and animal suffering.
-? But this large number of animals is rare.

(Aftonbladet 100720)
http://www.aftonbladet.se/nyheter/article7494295.ab

BMW 330 Ci

I am so, so happy! On Friday I bought myself a new car. I got a loan at the bank (my first ever) and went to Kalmar to have a look at a midnight blue BMW 330 Ci. I fell in love straight away. A few hours later I drove home in MY car!
I have had my old one (BMW 316i) for 3.5 yrs and it has not got AC. So it was about time I got myself a new car.

On Saturday we finally got some rain and a lot of thunder and lightning. It has been very hot for many days now so this rain was needed for sure.
I went for a drive around my moms place to show off the car. I also went to see Ida, we played some cards. The evening was spent in front of the TV with some films. I was too tired to join the girls for “wine-night”.

Today I have been totally exhausted. I have not managed to get off the sofa all day. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, my throat hurst…etc. It feels like I have fever. My body hurts. I am hungry but I feel sick. I hope these days go past quickly and that I will feel better soon so that I can go for a drive in my new car!

Second treatment of chemoterapy

This picture is taken at my last treatment, but it looked the same with the IV-drip feed.

Ida came with me to my second treatment of chemotherapy. Veronica came to visit at the hospital as a nice surprise, she brought sandwiches and juice. Excellent! My mom also came to visit. Ida bought us all ice-cream and we played cards. All in all, it felt more like a “party” than a hospital visit. Thanks mom and girls for keeping me entertained, it was fun!
I am about to go to bed now. I have not felt any sickness yet, but my doctor said that it is best that I take a tablet before bedtime just in case. I am just really tired now.
The result from the bone marrow test was ok by the way. No cancer cells there, but I do need to redo the procedure because there was something he needed to check again after all the treatment is done. I did not really understand what it was exactly but I will ask again next time I am there. I am not happy that I have to do it again because it was quite painful.
Before I went home I went to see the hairdresser quickly just to say –Hi, and to arrange for me to come in next week when I feel a bit better.

Nice day with many visits from friends and family :)

I have had a fantastic day today. I got up at 7.00 am in the morning and went to the local clinic for some blood test.
Annie came to visit me between 10.00 – 12.00 am, we were sat in the sun drinking coffee, eating cakes. She gave me these beautiful words to hang on the wall: Believe – Hope – Love.



After Annie left I started to clean out an area outside the house where I am planning to put a table and some chairs. It was hard work in the sunshine.
My cousin Erika and her family came over for a visit between 16.00 – 18.00 pm. We ate cakes and drank coffee too. I might gain weight if I continue like this :)




At 18.00 – 20.00 pm Susan came to visit me. We walked down to the lake with the dog, it was nice. This day has been excellent.
Now I am going to bed because tomorrow I have my second treatment of chemotherapy.

The lovely flower I got from work

Great day

Even though it has been really hot today as well (33C) I have not suffered so much today.
Carl has been here doing the windows on the houses and I have been running in and out the house doing things all day. I have not been sat down for long at all today.
Carl made me a nice tuna pasta salad for lunch and at 15.00 I went in to town.

Things I have managed to do today:
-Have a meeting at the bank.
-Have lunch with Mike at Dolce Vita coffee shop.
-Food shopping at Ica.
-Clean out the fridge properly.
-Meet up with Susan.
-Hoover the whole house.
-Pick up a present at my moms. (It was a nice flower and a diary from the people at work. So nice of them :)
-Spoke to Malin about school; I told her that we will not be able to write our final exam project (examensarbetet) together because I will probarbly have to do this term (aug-jan) in another six months instead.

I have so much more energy now than compared to the beginning of last week.
Last night I went inline skating for 25 minutes (!) in the evening and I also had a 25 minutes long walk with the dog. It was so nice to move my body and feel like “normal” for a while.
Yesterday Ida, Linn and Sofie came over around 18.00 for some coffee, cake and ice-cream. I got some nice presents of them and I nearly died with laughter when they got me a whole crate of Ramlösa Mango flavored water for me :)
Now it is finally raining a little bit outside, the grass really needed some rain. Hopefully the temperature will drop down to around 20-25C soon I hope. Then the weather will be ok and it will be easier to do things. There are so many people that suffer from this heat.

Drinking non alcoholic beer in the sunset

Yesterday evening just before sunset I walked down to the lake and sat down with a (non-alcoholic) beer. The lake was beautiful and it was very peaceful.




After that me and Mike ( I had to force him, hehe ) watched the football game, final between Holland and Spain. I believe them to be worthy winners!
Later, around 23.30 when it was nice and cool outside I went for a 30 minutes walk around the neighborhood.

It is still too warm to do anything in the daytime. I am lying down on the sofa in front of the fan until I am so bored I just have to do something.
I have managed to clean out some boxes in the basement today. It is cooler down there. Since we moved to this house I have started to collect all kinds of rubbish that I now realize needs to be moved. I have filled 2 boxes and 3 bags with clothes and stuff that can be donated to the second hand shop. Recycling and second hand shops are something that I think are great.
Carl is here today. He is painting our window frames and he is cutting the grass. He also made me some lunch as well.
I had to cancel the appointment with the hairdressers today because I cannot drive over to Kalmar (45 minutes) in a hot car without AC, it would just make me ill. The hairdresser told me that it is not a problem. I just have to contact them as soon as I feel that any of my hair is coming out, because when it starts it does not take long until it all might fall off.

Later this evening, Ida and Linn are coming out here for a visit.
Now I am going to finish reading my book “Mias systrar”.

My Birthday!

Today it is my birthday. I am now 28 years old. It really does not feel like it is that long ago since I was 18. Ten years go past pretty fast I must say. Shit, that means I am soon 38…haha.
I have not managed to do anything so far today.
Mike and Carl sang happy birthday to me and we ate some cake and watched a film called "Serbian Scars" its was ok.

Yummy cake

Party hats and everything :)


Outside the temperature is 34 C. Inside 30 C. It is still horrible warm. I drink so much water it is crazy, but I have to, we all should.
My favorite flavor of fizzy water at the moment is Ramlösa Mango. I will explore them all this summer because tap water gets boring :) Another tip is to put some strawberries in tap water, it gives it a hint of flavor and it is very nice and fresh to drink on a hot summer day like today. Me and Susan did that the other day and it had a great taste.



Now I am waiting for Sofie to come and visit me and later Ida is coming too.
I cannot wait until the sun goes down, then I can go out for a walk. Yesterday I was out walking at 22.00. It’s a lot cooler outside then.

Mom and Mike yesterday eating BBQ

Cairo joined us under the table

It is too warm

This heat is horrible. On the thermometer outside is shows 32 degrees Celsius in the shade. Inside the house it is 30…I feel so sick and it is horrible when it is this warm.

Yesterday I went to the local clinic to remove my stitches around 13.30. After that I felt sick so I went home to my mom to lie down for a few hours. I could not drive home in my black hot car without AC. It is like an oven in it.
I phoned up the hospital to ask if it was ok to take more of them anti sickness tablets and they said it was ok to take one. That one did not really help me but I guess it was better than nothing.
The rest of the day was spent on the sofa in front of a fan with a water bottle in my hand. I was supposed to have gone to a party tonight if I would have felt good.…

Now I am waiting for my mom to come over and we are going to have a BBQ to celebrate my birthday. We were supposed to have gone to a restaurant in Kalmar, but it is just too warm to go anywhere.

I want to make snow angels naked right now. I am going for a ice cold shower soon...

Positive thinking

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face. I realized that I am so lucky and happy. Even though I have got cancer, I am probably happier than a lot of other people.
Some people do not appreciate what they have got in life and they complain about everything there is to complain about, or just the smallest things in life.
That behavior has always annoyed me a lot. Now I do not get annoyed by it as much, it just makes me feel sorry for those people that can not see the good stuff in life.

If you don’t grab the bull by its horns, no one will do it for you. If you believe that you are a weak person everyone else will too. If you do nothing to try to change your life, no one else will either. You are the one to decide for yourself.

I am a firm believer in destiny but you also have to make things happen yourself together with the right way of thinking. For me that is the positive way.
This is not meant as bragging, this is realizing what I have and taking good care of it.
I wish that more people could focus on the good things in life that they have got and realizing that they really should and could be happy too.

Negativity does not just bring yourself down but also the people around you, maybe you then bring those people that are trying to focus on positive things down too.
I want to say to those people that think in a negative way; please try to stop. You will dig yourself a grave and no one wants to lie in it with you. Harsh? Yes, but needed to be heard for some.
Try to focus on the smallest positive thing in our life and then work yourself out of your negative thoughts by trying to figure out what you want from life.
When you now what you want, focus on that and try to make it happen. Do not wait; life is short, just DO it.
I mention the word try a lot. That is because trying is better than not to try, and when you do try for a change it will make you feel good about yourself and therefore it will have a positive impact on your life.

Some of the things I am happy and grateful for in my life is: - My positive way of thinking (that I hope more people will adapt)
- My wonderful friends, family and boyfriend.
- Our cats.
- That I can afford to have a car.
- That I live in a house that I like.
- That I have nearly finished my studies at University.
- The amazing seasons in Sweden.
- That I have been traveling and lived abroad.
- That chocolate still tastes nice.
And much, much more…

I will NOT make a negativity list. I know what those things are, but I refuse to let them bring me down.

Make your own list and focus on those things. Or at least TRY to make one. If you don’t try for a change then you have made your choice to stay in negativity mood.
Get your arse in gear and start to appreciate life and the things in it more, starting from today!

Feeling tired but better than before

Yesterday I felt a little bit better than the day before so I and Mike went to town together. I had to go to the chemist because my stomach has not been feeling very well :(
I bumped into my cousin Maria and her newborn baby Saga. It was so nice to see them. I was suppose to have gone to her dad’s (my uncle) birthday party on Saturday, but I was too tired to go so I stayed at home. Of course he and his girlfriend also got married (as a surprise) and I am so sad that I missed it. My other cousin has got it on video though so that’s good. After the trip to town I went to see my mom for an hour. When I got home later around 14.00 I was so exhausted that I stayed on the sofa for the rest of the day, even too tired to read a book. When Mike got home we had a game of Battleships. There is only so much TV to watch and it is always fun to play some games.


Today I have managed to do a lot of things. I have not needed to take my anti sickness tablet today and I feel much better than the days just after the treatment :)
This morning at 8.15 I went to the local clinic to do some blood tests. After that I went home to my mom and had a nice long bath and a game of cards. We ate brunch together. She makes really yummy salmon rolls.
When I got home around 13.00 I was very tired so I slept for 2 hrs. Around 17.00 – 19.00 Linn and Sofie came to visit me. We had some coffee and a bun in the sun, hehe. It is so nice when my friends come to visit.
I can feel that I have a lot more energy now so I also went for a walk with the neighbours dog (Jimmy) in the evening for 30 minutes.
Now I am making some dinner and later when Mike gets home I guess we will see a film.

Today I woke up around 9.00. I had the same feeling as yesterday, hung over feeling. I felt exhausted even though I slept all night. I had to phone up the hospital so that the doctor could prescribe some more tablets for me. Mike went to the chemist to get them for me. He is such a darling and he takes really good care of me.
I took my tablets and stayed on the sofa in front of the fan and the TV all day until 18.00.
I managed to phone up the local clinic to arrange my blood test appointment and an appointment to remove my stitches. I also got an appointment for next Monday at the hairdressers at the hospital to try out a wig.
At 18.00 I felt much better and I got some energy. I took a short walk outside and it was great. Now I just came back from another walk. I have been down at the lake. It is such a boost when you feel fine for a while! Mike is soon coming home from work and I am going to clean up here a bit and then cook something for him to eat. Later we are going to watch the movie “Wolfman”, I guess there will be many films to watch and many books to read this summer and autumn. What else is there to do? Any tips for me?
My terrible cough has finally got a lot better than it was before. This day has turned out to been quite ok actually.
Love

Its beautiful at the Örsjö lake

Was I in a Tequila drinking competition last night?

Finally at home!
It feels great to be home again. I only slept at the hospital one night but that was enough I can say.
Now I don’t have to be back until the 15:th of July for my second treatment.
Last night I felt quite sick actually. It was a strange feeling of sickness, something I have never felt before. I managed not to through up though which was good. After taking two of my anti sickness tablets (Ondansetron) I fell asleep after 30 minutes. Thank God for them tablets!
This morning I got up at 11.30. It felt like I have been out partying all night. I felt so hung over. Was I in a Tequila drinking competition last night?
The bad taste was in my mouth again and I straight away went for my Listerine.
Susanne came to visit at 13.00 – 17.00. It was really nice to see her again.
After that me and Mike went down to the lake for a short while. The breeze there was wonderful. It is way too warm inside the house. At the moment I have put all the cats on the balcony and I have opened all the windows in the house to let some air in. Both fans are in motion twentyfour-seven also. Puh!
Tomorrow I have to phone up about getting a wig and also trying to get hold of my doctor so that he can prescribe some more of these tablets.

First day of Chemotheraphy

Day 5-6
Yesterday I got to the hospital around 8 o’clock in the morning. Ida and my mom were with me. First I took one Allopurinol tablet that is protecting the kidneys a little bit. I am suppose to take one every morning from now on. The side effect of that can be problems with skin rash but nothing else I believe. I still have not googled it, hehe.
At 11 o’clock they started the Chemotherapy. They connected the tube that goes from the Port a Cath to another tube and then they put “stuff” in me. First I got an injection with anti-sickness substance called Zofran and I also got a cortisone substance that started with a B… I can not remember what is was called. After that the treatment with cell poison began.
My mixture is called ABVD and it’s a mixture of 4 different kinds off cell poison:
Adriamycin (Doxorubicon)
Biomycin
Vinblastin
Dakarbazin
First the nurse put in the Vinblastin and the Doxorubicon in the tube and that only took about 10-15 minutes. Then I got the Biomycin from the intravenous drip (IV), that took 2 hrs. Last they gave me the Dakarbazin (also from IV) and that took 30 minutes. Last I got a water and salt mix (Saline) in me through the IV and then it was finished.
I did not feel so much at first but when they put the last Doxorubicon in I started to feel a bit hot and my heart was beating very fast. It felt like I was on a boat or a ferry and that I had been drinking about 8 Redbulls. That feeling slowly went away and I did not really feel anything. No sickness or nothing. My mom stayed until Mike came at 17 o’clock. At 20.00 I just wanted to sleep so I got in bed and tried to sleep but the woman (that now stays in my room, around 70 yrs old) was in a lot of pain and she was given blood to and she was also a bit confused and scared of everything kept calling on the nurses all the time and asking me for things. I guess she taught that I was a nurse or something. The nurses moved me into my private room around 00.30. I got a TV and own toilet so that was cool. Probably feel asleep at 01.00 in the morning.

Today I woke up when Mike came to see me at 8.00. I had a terrible taste in my mouth when I woke up. I think it’s the cell poison that causes that, also some foods do not taste right. I ate a sandwich and some yoghurt for breakfast. Drank some more water, I am suppose to drink 3-4 liters a day. Then lunch came and after that the nurse took away the needle that was connected to my Port a Cath and cleaned the stitches up and put a plaster on. I got my medicine + anti sickness tablets with me home and then left the hospital around 14.30. I felt a bit sick in the car on the way home so I took two tablets. They are called ondansetron.
I just feel a bit dizzy now and do not really have any apatite. I am going to rest now for the rest of the day. It’s a strange feeling to have this inside of my body. Its difficult to explain exactly how it feels but its like having a hangover and a fever (on board a boat) at the same time almost. I am happy that it all went so quick. Now it is all started and that feels great. Cancer cells – get out of my body NOW!
Maybe it looks like this inside of me?


The biggest tumour (10cm in diameter) is positioned in my thoracic cavity, the cavity of the chest. I guess around nr 2 or 14 on the picture. The other smaller ones are on both sides o my neck.


I am so glad that the treatment was not worse than this. I was expecting it to be much worse. Some patients get seriously and violent sick from the cell poison. I have been lucky so far. I just hope that it will be ok later on as well. Maybe my sickness will come in a day or two. Wait and see is all I can do.

Cytotoxin

Day 4
Today I fixed the filling in my tooth in the morning and when I came back to the ward I had a talk with my doctor. I was supposed to have started the treatment today but because the nurses did not understand that I was suppose to have taken a tablet before I went home yesterday I could not start the treatment because it would have been to risky to damage my kidneys. The tablet was suppose to have given me some kind of protection for the kidneys because the Cytotoxin / Cellpoison is so strong. He also told me that the tumour I have in my chest/lung area is as big as 10cm in diameter. Shit. He also told me that after the 16 weeks of treatment that I will get, I also have to follow up with radiation every day for around 3 weeks. That will be done at another hospital in another town (Linköping) about 3-4 hours away from here by car. The scan I had yesterday showed that I do not have any tumours below my stomache which means that I am in risk group 2A, better than in group 3 anyway. The chances of me having cancer in my bone marrow are therefor very slim. That is good news.

Now I have to wait with the treatment until tomorrow. I was ready for it today. My mom was with me and I felt strong.
This wait is driving me crazy, it makes me more nervous. I felt sick all day with anxiety. In the evening Linn, Sofie and Ida (+Atlas-dog) came to see me and the anxiety went away for a good while. Thank you girls, love you long, long time.


When I came back to Nybro around 12 o clock, I met up with my dad and Karin. We went to a Café and sat down with some sandwiches and coffee for a while. It was nice. My dad filled my car up with petrol and bought me a big fan that I can have next to me at home when I am sat in the sofa watching telly, chilling. It is so, so warm in the house. Around 28 degrees Celsius...too warm.

I managed to eat a little bit of dinner later. I hope I get some sleep tonight. Ida and my mom is coming with me to the hospital tomorrow and Mike is coming as soon as he finishes work. He makes me dinner and is cleaning the house now when I am in pain after the test and operation :) Me like!
Tomorrow I have to sleep at the hospital.

When I came to my room this morning the old woman was gone and a young girl, about my age was in the other bed. I believe she was in there for some treatment just for the day. So I guess there is not just old people after all.

The view from my room. Can not complain :)